Family

Full transcript · two voices

I’m Hugo and we’re here with Shannon talking about family.

It’s the key piece of everything. That’s a foundation. Family is where it all starts. We’re born into a family. That family is our only influence for the first couple years of our life. When you think about how essential family is, it’s our only exposure to the outside world for our first couple of years. Take that away and we start with nothing. We’re born into nothing. Family is just such a key piece.

How To Create A Purposeful Family Structure

This is where we find our identity. This is where we start to understand our name, and why we are here. As we talked about often, humans are the only species that can go on without meaning. Everything else has meaning and you have that meaning then you have the environment to match.

We often talk about nature. Nature knows his purpose, whether it’s the trees, lions, or eagles. Trees reproduce to create more trees for their purpose, create shade and create oxygen. A lion is going to reproduce as much as possible because his goal is that his pride never dies. They know their purpose and then reproduce accordingly.

Humans are the only species that reproduce recklessly then try to figure out who they are while their offspring suffer. “I don’t have time to raise you. I got to figure out who I am.” Once I do hope maybe I’ll come back but, at that time, you’ve been left a chance for how long if not forever. We as humans have it backwards, figure out who you are. What’s the quote that you always say? Put the man together first and then the world comes together. Where did that come from?

I was reading a book and I got the concept of that. To piggyback off of that, basically, if you’re not fed inside, you’re going to go outside and search for it. The chance that we’re talking about is having someone else tell you who you are that doesn’t have your best interests. You would think that your father or your mother would have your best interest. Not a teacher. Not the neighbor. Whenever we have them telling us who we are, we’re in for it.

The whole purpose is to never tell another person who they are. It’s to make a space so safe that they feel safe to figure out who they are to go inside. The saying, if you don’t know who you are, the world will tell you. Listen to the words you just use. The teacher will tell you who you are. Your neighbor will tell you who you are. Nowhere in life, not your spouse or your parents, they can’t tell you. They might have created you, but they can’t tell you your purpose. Your life legend is your life legend and the only way you’re going to find it is going inside.

When you look at how important a family is, if you don’t have that structure, you never have a space safe enough to start diving inward. No one’s ever telling you, “Figure out who you are and I support it. That’s beautiful.” I figured out who I was, leading by example. Family is just the foundation that it all starts from. If from day one, you’re outside and you’re left to chance and you have no guidance. You’re going to just be looking left and right. You’re just going to start saying, “I should be more like that. I’m going to be that. If they say that I need to grow up and be a doctor, if I want to be successful.” You don’t need a title to be successful. You don’t need to chase money to be successful.

It won’t work.

Family is how you create legacies. That’s how you create something special. It’s through the family structure. Going back because I love the story, put the man together first. You got to share it. You say it often, so you need to share where that came from.

Basically, a young man and his father were sitting together. The father did not want to be bothered with his son, so he gave them the newspaper. He’s like, “Son, do this puzzle.” He’s thinking, “This is going to take a long time because I can’t even do this damn puzzle.” The sun goes off, does the puzzle, and comes back pretty quickly. The father says, “How the hell did you do this?” The kid looked at his dad and said, “I put the man together and then the world came together.”

If you listen to that, it has so much deep meaning. Again, meaning is what keeps us alive. Whether that meaning is even superfluous. There are people that just want to get a nice car or a house. It keeps them alive. When we go back to the family structure, that’s important because as a person who owned a law firm, you could talk about what’s missing in 99% of the criminals that you have seen in the last 15 to 20 years.

Fathers As The Foundation Of Every Family

I’ve had a very unique opportunity to speak to thousands of individuals over the last two decades that find themselves behind bars the majority of their life. I wasn’t aware when I started, but then I started seeing this trend. I started the first question that I would ask. It’s, did you grow up with a father in the house? Ninety-nine percent of the time the answer is no, and reality started sinking in with that.

If you do not have that family structure, it is going to impact your whole life. You’re going to get into a game. You’re going to seek women. You’re going to seek everything. If you’re born into lack, you spend your whole life trying to fill that void. If you don’t have a father, think about the puzzle you just talked about, put the man together first.

The family is half of that puzzle and the father would be the headstone if the puzzle had a headstone. The father is the key piece of that puzzle. If you’re born without it, you can try as hard as you want and that puzzle will never become complete. The man in that puzzle will never be complete because it’s always missing that. As a young man or a young woman, we seek to fill that last puzzle piece through everything outside of us. We go to money but that doesn’t fit in that spot. We go to men or women, it doesn’t fit in that spot. We go to titles and it doesn’t fit. No matter how much we keep accumulating outside of us, the puzzle is never complete because we were born into lack. There is nothing more important than family.

Let’s also talk about that accumulation because that is noteworthy to talk about because I went on that rabbit hunt, too. You’re talking about status, cars, things, and women. You name it. None of it was fulfilling, which nobody’s fucking talking about. We continue to promote these types of lifestyle but at night time, we’re fucking crying. We’re stuck in our house crying. We hate ourselves and that’s why even the makeup industry is so popular. Why would we need to cover up? What are we covering up? At the end of the day, it has to come off but we spend so much time filling and covering up everything that’s outside of us. To go back to what you said about a father. It’s not just important for the son. It’s also important for women.

Speaking from a woman’s perspective whose father was always working and always not there because he was always providing. I’d rather have the time. I don’t need to know that you’re some big deal at work. I need you to be a big deal. You let three young women who think you’re the biggest deal on the planet. Be there. Again, why do you think they have these catchy phrases like, “You have daddy issues?” It’s a problem, whether you’re a man or a woman, if you don’t have a father. We talk about it all the time.

The family is so important but the father is the foundation of the home. It is the pillars that hold the wall up. The mother makes that house a home. That mother feels it with love and it’s the family unit together. It’s the unity, but if you take the father out there’s no structure and there’s no home. The first wind that blows is knocking it down. The first snow that falls, the waters getting in. Any outside thing is going to be able to penetrate that home because the foundation is lacking. It’s the most important role in a home. It’s that father piece and that is coming from a mother. I can try as hard as I can. I cannot be the foundation that a father is to a home.

Not at all and it’s a huge misconception. I’m happy that I didn’t have to say it. If it came from me that there’s some names that could be used, but I didn’t have to say it. When we dive into nature, we can readily see how the roles are formed and there’s no disputing it at all.

Maintaining Healthy Family Ties In A Capitalistic Society

Again, we often talk about lion prides. The lioness goes to hunt to provide for the family in the food sense. Why? It’s because the lion stays behind to protect his pride because guess what? You send the man out, another pride comes and you can get all the gazelle you want to bring back. There’s no pride left when you get back. It’s gone. The lion always stays to protect what’s his. Again, humans are the only species that don’t have it right.

They don’t figure out, protect what yours, nurture what’s yours, or take care of what yours. We saw a poll that showed what was the most important thing that people spend the most time on. Back in the day, family stayed at the top for years and years, then social media came, influencers came and titles came. All of a sudden, you get to 2025 and family is the bottom run. Think about that. Society promotes family on the back burner. Go chase. “Go get the bag,” I think the kids say. Go do those silly things and your family is just back here when it should be the most important thing that you have.

We could also touch on that too because the reason for that is we’re in a capitalistic society. When you’re in a capitalistic society, you break down the family. It’s even the reason why we had women go to the workplace. It created more tax returns. Who benefits from more tax returns? Society. Now we could create more shit for you to buy because you feel guilty because you’re not there. We have the man and woman against each other. It’s so fucking stupid. You have a family of children and you’re against each other? It’s like what I see all the time. I saw a video of a woman bad mouthing the guy with his son. You have his son. I’m sorry but there is no other man that’s going to love his son like he does.

It’s okay for your relationship to not work but you have something very important at stake. When you die, I want everyone to think about this. You are going to die. I know that you look cute out there and you have a bunch of likes on your fucking picture. It will never feed your children. Even if you get it monetarily and you leave it in a trust. They need more than that to live. You need more of that to live. That’s why you keep putting your ass out there. We’re tired of seeing your ass.

Why Being A Parent Has No Expiration Date

It’s so true. No one’s going to love your children. We were talking earlier. The one thing in life that has no expiration date is being a parent. If you are a lawyer, at some point, you’re going to get tired and you’re going to retire. If you’re a dentist, at some point you’re tired of drilling teeth and you’re going to retire.

I hope they fucking retire because I’m trying of seeing these porcelain teeth. I still have my real teeth, by the way.

Again, it’s part of covering up. Everybody wants to fix the outside of parents and not do the work on the inside but everyone retires. You retire. The only thing that has no expiration date is being a parent and your point. You just said, it might not work out between mom and dad. You might not be husband and wife but you’re still mom and dad. It doesn’t expire ever. That is something your last breath. Your first breath when they’re born is now as a parent and your last breath on this planet is as a parent. Long after you’re gone, when they speak about you, what are you? You’re their parent. It never expires.

If people saw how important that is and again, it’s life. People need parents. Let’s talk about the different seasons of your life. The reason that kids need the family when they’re born is we got to feed them and take care of them. Now, they’re starting to walk. We’re teaching them how to walk and how to tie their shoes. God forbid, they come to me for the math homework because they don’t have to get somebody else for that but you’re helping educate them. They’re going to start driving and then they’re going to have their first boyfriend or girlfriend, Jesus Christ. The first person that they should feel comfortable to come and talk to is their family.

Now when they leave the house, it’s the first time they live on their own. Condiments and toilet paper are expensive. You’re going to have to figure that out on your own. That is just another season like organizing their house, getting in their first serious relationship and then the most beautiful part of life is when they start to reproduce. You’re a different role in every season, but it’s the key role, the family, the parent role. It’s the most important thing in the world.

Also, protection. Protection definitely comes in different forms as they grow and mature. You go from being this strong protector to this finesse protector. You protect their mind, their soul, their heart, and your brand. It is your brand. You have your name and your DNA on these children. It’s so beautiful to know that you’re not going to be here, but a piece of you will forever and ever can be here and be replicated forever and ever. Charlie got his great-grandfather’s camera. That is the neatest thing. When he showed it to us, he took so much pride in it. I’ve met people that were left $300 million in a trust fund. They didn’t give two foxes.

What does that mean?

It meant nothing to them.

You never knew your dad and your grandfather because they didn’t have time for you but you have a big bank account? Cool.

Now, you’re left for the world to run through you.

They will. People often say, “Your life is over when you have kids, or I can’t wait to be an empty nester.” My life began when I had kids. We have traveled the entire world. We have probably been to every country you can think of. People often comment like, “You’re going to do that with your kids?” Absolutely. I wouldn’t want the memory without it.

Do you think I want to do it with you? Why? I might not like you next week. I’m taking my fucking kids. What is wrong with you people? Who else would you want to take?

I think about the experiences.

Take the girl on Bumble. There will be a new one. My son is going to be my son. It is what it is.

Always. What better experience is to be able to not only show them the pictures if they were too young to remember. Show them their passport. What’s the number one book that changed your life? Your passport.

I did a piece on that.

To be able to not live your life for your children, but live your life with your children. That’s what family is.

Episode Wrap-Up And Closing Thoughts

That’s the purpose of this show. I think about being a man and your sons will mimic and follow you and your daughters will pick someone like you. That’s very important to keep in mind. Any final thoughts?

I just think family is everything. It’s where your virtues are created, nurtured, and maintained. How you want to live your life and where you’re going in life is going to be seen through your daily habits. I know that I want it to be including my children, with my children and creating a life I’m fucking obsessed with, with them. Not for them. Not to tell them about, but with them so they’re living it and so they can see. We work out every morning. They can’t wait. They wake up. We drink some coffee first and they want to get down stairs and work out. They marry your habits. What’s more beautiful than that? Family.

I’ll leave you with this. As a man, as a father, I’ll say live your truth and practice habits that matter. Take pride in things like being impeccable with your word, loving your family, and protecting your family. That’s all we have when we think about it. The rest of the shit is just superfluous. If you don’t have growth, wellness, and family. There’s no purpose in needing money or a craft because it’s going to die with you. I used this before. Jerry Jones did not buy the Cowboys to win one year. You want to win for the rest of your namesake and I’ll leave you with that. Thank you for reading.